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Tuesday, July 27, 2010

Oliver Stone Apologizes For Hitler and Jewish Remarks

So is Oliver Stone channeling Dr. Josef Mengele (as depicted by Gregory Peck in "Boys From Brazil")?

Stone has issued an apology after remarks during an interview in which he said Hitler was a "scapegoat". He went on to babble, ‘Hitler did far more damage to the Russians than the Jewish people, 25 or 30m.’ Asked why he focused so much on the Holocaust, Stone said: ‘The Jewish domination of the media.‘There's a major lobby in the United States. They are hard workers. They stay on top of every comment, the most powerful lobby in Washington. Israel has f***** up United States foreign policy for years.’

All of this brouhaha is a clumsy attempt to promote his 10-part Showtime series, Secret History Of America. And there's no such thing as bad publicity.

Meanwhile, the very deep thinking Mr. Stone is moving on to tackle another philosophical and vital issue. Wall Street 2, for which he has been paid millions, will reveal the earth-shattering message that greed is bad.

Bosnian Man Bombarded by Aliens

Radivoje Lajic, who lives in the Bosnian village of Gornji Lajici, says his house has been hit six times by falling meteorites in the last few years, and he's pretty sick of aliens targeting him.

According to an article on www.metro.co.uk:

Experts at Belgrade University have confirmed that all the falling rocks he has handed over were meteorites. They are now trying to work out what exactly it is about his house that particularly attracts them. The strikes always happen when it is raining heavily, he says, never when there are clear skies.

Lajic has his own explanation, of course. After the fifth rock struck his house, he said: 'I am obviously being targeted by extraterrestrials. I don't know what I have done to annoy them but there is no other explanation that makes sense. The chance of being hit by a meteorite is so small that getting hit six times has to be deliberate.'

50-year-old Lajic has had a steel girder reinforced roof put on the house to protect it from the alien bombardment - which he funded by selling one of the meteorites to a university in the Netherlands.

'I have no doubt I am being targeted by aliens,' he adds. 'They are playing games with me. I don't know why they are doing this. When it rains I can't sleep for worrying about another strike.'

Monday, July 19, 2010

Conspiracy Theories & Secret Societies for Dummies Makes Prestigious List

Our book has achieved international status and is now well known in many spheres. First came the news that it was being used in a class at Harvard University about conspiracies. Now comes another singular honor. The Georgia Center For The Book, a library and literacy service program, has named what are, in their view, the 20 funniest book titles:

Cheese Problems Solved – P.L.H. McSweeney

The Big Book of Lesbian Horse Stories – Alisa Surkis

The Potatoes of Bolivia – J.G. Hawkes

How to Avoid Huge Ships – John W. Trimmer

Reusing Old Graves – Douglas Davies

Walled Up Nuns & Nuns Walled In – Lancelot Holland

Bombproof Your Horse – Jack Pelicano

Harnessing the Earthworm – Thomas J. Barrett

People Who Don’t Know they’re Dead – Gary Leon Hill

How Green Were the Nazis? – Franz-Josef Bruggemeier

Old Tractors and the Men Who Love Them – Roger Welsch

Weeds in a Changing World – C.H. Stirton

Across Europe by Kangaroo – Joseph Barry

Drilling a Straight Hole – Nancy Janicek

Greek Rural Postmen and their Cancellation Numbers – (author not listed, perhaps for good reason)

How to Read a Book – Mortimer J. Adler

How to Write a How to Write Book – Brian Puddock

The Stray Shopping Carts of Eastern North America – Julian Montague

Conspiracy Theories & Secret Societies for Dummies – Christopher Hodapp and Alice VonKannon

And their choice top choice for the funniest title:

Cooking with Pooh.

The gutless authors of Cooking With Pooh are hiding behind a corporate name of "Mouse Works," as well they should, so I think they should be disqualified. But it's nice to come in second for something.

Personally, I have to object and say that Conspiracy Theories & Secret Societies for Dummies is nowhere as chucklesome for a title as The Complete Idiot’s Guide To The Kennedys by Steven Strauss.

The Georgia Center for the Book has become the largest non-profit literary presenting organization in the Southeast and one of the largest in the nation. It is an affiliate of the Center for the Book at the Library of Congress in Washington, D.C.

Monday, July 5, 2010

Now No One Can Save Us From Aliens

Fairfield, Connecticut resident Dane Eisenman's one man attempt to save the world from an alien invasion has been thwarted by the local constabulary. It seems that he responded to a classified ad for a .30-06 rifle about a month ago and told the seller that he intended to use it to fend off an alien invasion that occurs once every 36,000 years.

According to an article in the Hartford Courant:

The seller was unsure if Eisenman was referring to space aliens or illegal aliens, [police sergeant] Perez added. Sgt. Perez said Eisenman told the seller of the rifle every 36,000 years, aliens who live under the sun come to Earth to kill humans, and he needed to be prepared because "They're going to be coming soon."

After the sale of the rifle, the man reported Eisenman to police. Sgt. Perez said Eisenman, who is a convicted felon, is legally prohibited from buying or owning a hand gun or rifle.

Eisenman turned himself into police thursday morning and was charged with charge of criminal possession of a firearm. He will be arraigned in Bridgeport Superior Court on July 9.

Just as a completely unrelated point of interest that no one but me will care about, The Hartford Courant is NOT named after a fruity blackberry with seeds that get stuck in your dental work (that's a currant), but was founded in 1764, and is the oldest continuously published newspaper in the United States. Courant is a Dutch word for newspaper.